雅思寫(xiě)作之段落批改的重要性

很多烤鴨們經(jīng)常抱怨，自己也練了很多文章，為什么寫(xiě)作分?jǐn)?shù)還是不太理想呢？是練得不夠多呢還是不夠細(xì)呢？如何得到質(zhì)的明顯的提高呢？不妨我們?nèi)ニ伎家幌氯缦聠?wèn)題：

1. 所練習(xí)的文章話題都是你擅長(zhǎng)的嗎？遇到不擅長(zhǎng)的話題還有話可說(shuō)么？

2. 論據(jù)的給出和詳細(xì)論證都是你自己獨(dú)立列出的么？還是借助范文？切題么？

3. 你是否一直在嘗試寫(xiě)些所謂的高級(jí)句型而忽略了“句子的準(zhǔn)確”？詞匯是不是也存在類(lèi)似問(wèn)題？

4. 是不是每種話題的文章你都有涉獵？每種話題的文章都在改之又改、精益求精呢？

這樣的你，就好像處于黎明之前（before the crack of dawn）, 你也許只看到the darkness in the dark, 但還是會(huì)有那么一道光，會(huì)引領(lǐng)你有效突破雅思寫(xiě)作——段落批改。而朗閣海外考試研究中心的專(zhuān)家建議：文章練習(xí)不求泛泛但求改之又改，精益求精。因?yàn)槎温涞男薷牟粌H僅是一個(gè)對(duì)錯(cuò)誤的認(rèn)知，一種措辭（diction）的培養(yǎng)，也是一種意識(shí)的形成。

這里，帶大家看兩個(gè)段落，考生們?cè)谧约簩?xiě)完作文后也可以對(duì)照此方法,先自己作出修改，如果仍有不清楚的地方，可以再求助所在中心的寫(xiě)作名師或者朗閣海外考試研究中心的專(zhuān)家們。

Task 1（學(xué)生習(xí)作節(jié)選）

題目詳見(jiàn)《雅思高分范文（第7版）》 P4

The graphs below show the size of the ozone hole over Antarctica and theproduction of three ozone-damaging gases from 1980 to 2000.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features andmake comparisons where relevant.

The size of the ozone hole stood at its smallest point at around 400 unitsin 1980, which showed （使用非限制性定語(yǔ)從句將接下來(lái)20年的變化和起點(diǎn)相連，既避免了the size of the ozone hole的重復(fù)使用，也增強(qiáng)了數(shù)據(jù)之間的銜接）a（注意語(yǔ)法的準(zhǔn)確性，inverse為原因開(kāi)頭，前面的不定冠詞應(yīng)用an） inverse V-shaped change with its figure reaching the point at about2000 units in 1990. After that, it was projected that the value would climb back soon and experience（此圖出現(xiàn)的時(shí)間為1980-2000年，為過(guò)去時(shí)間，時(shí)態(tài)直接使用一般過(guò)去時(shí)即可。很多考生在寫(xiě)作時(shí)經(jīng)常出現(xiàn)時(shí)態(tài)紊亂的錯(cuò)誤，這一點(diǎn)也是小作文寫(xiě)作中的“高壓線”?？忌鷤?cè)趯?xiě)作時(shí)一定要細(xì)心，如果出現(xiàn)的均為過(guò)去的時(shí)間，直接使用一般過(guò)去時(shí)即可；如果既出現(xiàn)了過(guò)去的時(shí)間，又出現(xiàn)了將來(lái)的時(shí)間，則將來(lái)時(shí)間的部分應(yīng)使用預(yù)測(cè)的語(yǔ)氣，例如：it is predicted/projected/estimated that…; thenumber is likely to increase to/reach an estimated + 數(shù)字 in 年份） a consecutive raise（形近詞的使用要注意，此處應(yīng)使用rise, growth之類(lèi)的詞，且為名詞） when its value approached the top level（也可以改成hit the peak/summit/the highest point

at about 3500 units in 2000.

朗閣海外考試研究中心的專(zhuān)家建議：

1. 語(yǔ)法的準(zhǔn)確性需加強(qiáng)，時(shí)態(tài)的使用是重中之重，其他類(lèi)似于冠詞的小錯(cuò)誤要避免；

2. 類(lèi)似于rise和raise的形近詞要多注意（拼寫(xiě)錯(cuò)誤太多也會(huì)影響寫(xiě)作成績(jī)，如-al和-le的比較：principle & principal, individual & schedule）；

3. 詞性的區(qū)分要弄清。一個(gè)詞的動(dòng)詞原形，V-ing, V-ed, 以及V所對(duì)應(yīng)的名詞形式（比較容易錯(cuò)的有：rise的過(guò)去式為rose而非rised, grow的過(guò)去式為grew而非grown）；

其他的考生們可以仿照此段，對(duì)自己的文章做出修改。

Task 2（學(xué)生習(xí)作節(jié)選）

題目詳見(jiàn)《雅思高分范文（第7版）》 P169

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Nowadays, people all over the world are watching foreign films much morethan locally produced films. Why? Should government give more financial supportto the local film industry.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from yourown knowledge or experience.

As the first reason to be told, the investigation to produce local film is usually much lower than foreignfilms.（此處用investigation并不那么恰當(dāng)，是否想表達(dá)的是investment? 形近詞之間的區(qū)分要更加注意） Most of time, the quality of films depends on howmuch money it has input on them.（此處體現(xiàn)了第一處supporting ideas, 比較可惜的是出現(xiàn)了論據(jù)，但并沒(méi)有展開(kāi)論證。所以對(duì)于讀者來(lái)說(shuō)會(huì)有些unconvincing） Secondly,the cultural difference between foreign countries and mainland could also be areason.（注意句子的頭重腳輕，可以將主語(yǔ)和賓語(yǔ)進(jìn)行位置的互換，例如another factor that can be taken into account  is the cultural difference between countries） For the cause that local culture always follows thepeople who living there, people may feel tired of the content that locally madefilms show to them. They are more interested in foreign films because thestories and cultural background are different. Furthermore, the backward media technology may also be aproblem. In some developing countries, the technology they have in the field ofvideo and audio making is not so good as other foreign countries.（這句話有些過(guò)于wordy了，其實(shí)核心信息就想表達(dá)due to the backward media, in some underdevelopedcountries, the technology in the field of video and audio is not so good asthat in other foreign countries. 而且一定要加上that, 因?yàn)檫@樣才能構(gòu)成比較對(duì)象一致）That could leadin a result that the locally made films in those countries are lesscompetitive in sound and visual output than the films made abroad.（劃線句過(guò)于wordy and redundant, 即過(guò)于啰嗦，不妨可以改成lead to less competitiveness in sound and visualoutput of local-made films than those made abroad) For that reason, peopleprefer more to the foreign films.

朗閣海外考試研究中心的專(zhuān)家建議：

1. 在語(yǔ)言表達(dá)的準(zhǔn)確性上需進(jìn)一步提升；

2. 論據(jù)與文章觀點(diǎn)之間的連接性需要加強(qiáng)，切記要緊密切題。

總而言之(in a nutshell)，在平時(shí)的寫(xiě)作準(zhǔn)備中有“三多”：多讀，多練，多改。?？绝唫?cè)缛湛嫉嚼硐氲某煽?jī)。