雅思名師實例分析：為什么我的作文只得4分？

下面為大家整理了實例分析：雅思大作文4分的原因，供考生們參考。

Topic:

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree of disagree?

According to universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. Therefore, this essay will show some reasons of argument for and argument against.

Firstly, I will discuss about two reasons of argument for to begin with universities should accept equal numbrs of male and female students in every subject because it will be balance of idea while studying. In general, there usually are different ideas between man and woman. These lead to new ideas from different vision will happen. Another reason is it display that have equal of society not eccept in each side. In addition, nowadays, the most societies become to accept ability of both in any way.

Secondly, I will discuss about one reason of arguments against that is some subjects not suitable for each other. for example, some subjects of sports such as weight putting. It is not suitable for female because there are different of body between male and female.

In conclusion, I agree with universities should accept equal numbers of male an female students in every subject. Moreover, it depend on what the subjects that the students want to study, they can choose by themselves because I believe that if the students like to study their subjects, they will do it well so that I strongly agree with this topic.

4分的原因：

首先,該同學在語法上的缺陷是致命的,多數(shù)句子都不符合英語句子結(jié)構(gòu)的要求,如：These lead to new ideas from different vision will happen. Lead to已經(jīng)是謂語動詞了,后面再出現(xiàn)will happen就是錯誤的,要知道后一個動詞需要采取去動詞性質(zhì)處理：This will lead to new ideas from different perspectives happening 其實這句話也很羅嗦,完全可以改成：This will lead to a wider variety of ideas.

另外一句： Another reason is it display that have equal of society not eccept in each side. 更是無法理解了, is, display, have 及accept 統(tǒng)統(tǒng)是動詞形態(tài)在句子中出現(xiàn),但又沒有從句將這些動詞分開,終連成功解密過無數(shù)學生天書的我也不能理解他究竟想講什么了.

非常不幸的是在中國龐大的考鴨軍團中,有1/2以上的考鴨們寫出來的英語句子與這位考生寫的同樣晦澀難懂.如果你的英語句子也存在這樣的基本語法錯誤的話,我的建議是趕緊花上3-4天的時間解決這個問題,然后再move on到雅思寫作上.

寫作建議NO.1：Write in an English way, and make your examiner smile J

按照英文的語法句式寫英文句子.

其次,這篇文章的論證邏輯混亂：第二段他想表達的是招同樣數(shù)量的男女生的好處,第三段要寫專業(yè)的不同會導致招收同樣數(shù)量的男女生是不現(xiàn)實的,后收尾段寫道：終我同意應(yīng)該招收同樣數(shù)量的男女生.從上面的兩段看下來,后一段要寫的應(yīng)該是partially agree with the topic 才對—如果專業(yè)有較強的性別取向性,那么該topic不成立;如果專業(yè)對于兩性來說同樣的,那么一半對一半的搭配是值得推薦的.

寫作建議NO.2: Have your conclusion based on what you have expressed rather than what you have conceived.

你的結(jié)論來自你的文章內(nèi)容,而不是你腦子中憑空構(gòu)思出的.